Send in the Clown

The Mortgage Devil was someone I was aware of...everyone who was a Loan Officer was aware of him...but was someone I had not met in person for the first 4 years of my career. My "lucky" day came in the form of an encounter at a Realtor's Convention.



But let me back up for moment. For some stupid reason (most likely I was desperate to increase business and income) I joined a Mortgage Finance Committee for our local Real Estate Board. This committee's sole purpose was to suck up to Realtors by providing them Continuing Education Credit seminars conducted by us. In return, they were subjected to the Committee members setting up booths that they had to walk past (chocked full with our own company's literature and freebies) to get to the classroom to get their Continuing Education Credit. This was called a "Convention" but it was basically a twisted symbiotic relationship between Realtors and Lenders.



The Committee consisted of all of the relevant Loan Officers in my market plus the Mortgage Devil. We basically got along OK and the Mortgage Devil didn't show up for a single meeting which wasn't surprising. We met mid-way between every one's office at a restaurant. Perhaps restaurant is too kind. It was more of a Red-Neck Dive...and when I say Red-Neck Dive I mean that the Wednesday night special at this place was Muskrat Stew...and I no, I am not joking.

To this day, I am still not sure why that location was picked as a meeting spot. The funny part of these meetings (at least to me) was the parking lot at the Red-Neck Dive. You could always tell when we had a meeting by surveying the lot. Among the Pick-up Trucks and Muscle Cars in the parking lot were all of my fellow Loan Officer's/competitors cars which consisted of Mercedes-Benz, Lexus, and BMW's. I always found this amusing along with the odd-looks we would receive from the jeans and flannel crowd as we entered the Dive.

Anyway, back to the tale.

So, the day of the "Convention" arrives. We had to arrive early...as in "butt crack of dawn" early to set up our booths before the Realtors arrived. We all trudge around the Convention Center and get set up. The Mortgage Devil has a booth but he has sent some interns/lackey's to set it up...he doesn't have time for such menial tasks.

The Convention starts at 9:00 a.m. and the Realtors start checking in and "milling" around the Booths. About 10 minutes into the show I hear some type of strange commotion going on by the registration tables and the hallway leading into the Show. It is part applause, murmuring, and perhaps some curse words. As I look at the entrance doors to see what was up...in comes the Mortgage Devil. Except he is not walking in. He is riding a uni-cycle....and he is juggling....and NO...I am not kidding. My booth was next to a competitor of mine. She is usually "bubbly"...basically she is a short blond Barbie Doll that always seem to have smile plastered on her face. But this morning the smile is gone and the words that came out her mouth would have made a sailor blush. It started with "are you fucking kidding me?" and ended with "what an asshole". In between , she had a rant of profanity to this day is in the top 10 rants I have ever heard. I am standing there watching the Mortgage Devil riding through the show on his uni-cycle and juggling...standing next to a Cursing Barbie Doll... and out of the corner of my eye I see a Loan Officer we like to call MiMi (because she looks exactly like Mimi from the Drew Carey show...google that image if you don't know what I am talking about) face down on a massage table getting rubbed down. Apparently someone invited a masseuse to set up a booth. These images are burned into my brain forever. Basically, I was standing there with my mouth open.

The only thing I could think of to say was "I guess someone decided to send in the clown". At least the Barbie Doll stopped swearing to laugh for a few seconds.

So, we all did the work for this "Convention" and the Mortgage Devil shows up the day of the event and "steals the show".

What I learned from this experience...this is his M.O. This is how he operates. No guts...all Glory...and I also learned that seeing Mimi getting a massage is an event that not even therapy can erase from your memory and that the Barbie Doll can curse worse than a sailor.

This was the first time I met the Mortgage Devil in person....my "lucky" day.