But Wait...There is more....

This my follow up to Turd’s last entry…and I agree this blog is a complete clusterfuck. But clusterfuck’s make the world more interesting. What is the fun in everything running smoothly? The world would be a boring place and I don’t do well with boring.

The Barbie Doll's return basically annoyed me. Yes, there was fear and uncertainty about my future….but what really bothered me was that she was going to plop her Happy Ass down in my sanctuary….the Beach Office. This office had been my escape from the torture of sitting on Gilligan’s Island and being surrounded by the Mortgage Devil and his Minions. After spending that late fall, winter, and Spring in the Beach Office I had grown fond of The Edsel…he was like the Grandpa I didn’t have anymore. I was starting to warm to Turd (her passion for football was admirable) and life was a little more tolerable at the Beach Office.

Then…the Barbie came back. I knew she was going to take over this office and staff it with “her people” and I was going to be pushed out of there. I was certain that I was going to be left spending my days on the Island. This fear certainly wasn’t unfounded…I vividly remember being pushed to the back office at the Beach when The Barbie returned. A few days after she was re-hired, I slipped in the back door and went right to my office. Basically, no one knew I was there. I was unpacking my shit and getting myself set up for the day when I overheard the following conversation between the Barbie’s Husband aka The Controller and “her staff”:

“Her Staff” – I need my old office space back.

The Controller – We will get you whatever office you want.

“Her Staff” – But Turdy and A-Hole already have the office space we want.

The Controller – Doesn’t matter…they can go sit on the fucking balcony for all I care. This is our office now. Not theirs.

“Her Staff” - *school girl giggling*

So, yeah that was confirmation of what I already knew…I was heading back to Gilligan’s Island. I sat and stewed for about five minutes and then I stepped out the office and made a point to say “Hello” to everyone on “her staff” and The Controller. They all grew quiet and I left them wondering exactly how long I had been in the office. The Controller eventually asked how long I had been in the office…with my best poker face I gave a vague response of “ a little while”. I wanted him to wonder if I heard exactly the extent of an asshole he really could be.

Before the infamous meeting, I had more conversations with the Mortgage Devil than I had in…ohhhh, the past six months combined. It was a constant theme of “she will take business from us…we need to stay united against her and make her look bad…you need to keep me posted on everything you see or hear that she is doing for the sake of “our team”…" peppered in between that agenda were some personal remarks about her betraying him when she left the Bank of Hell the previous year. That part of the dialogue bordered on sounding like a scorned lover more than a competitive business concern…but I will leave that speculation for another day. The Mortgage Devil had done a good job of convincing me that my office space concern was trivial compared to the ramifications of her return on my future.

The day of the “Meeting” had arrived. I had steered clear of both offices that day and rolled into the Bank of Hell around noon to do some paperwork before this meeting. I got bored quickly and headed out for some lunch. When I came back I saw the Mortgage Devil was in his smaller office with his door closed. I couldn’t see who was with him, so I assumed it was the Douchebag from Josey Wales. Then I saw that the Douchebag was in the Enabler’s office…not the Mortgage Devil’s. So, I am thinking it must be a customer. I am on my phone and then I am summed in to the Mortgage Devil’s Big Office for the Big Meeting. As I hang up the phone, I see the door to the Little Office open and outcomes the Mortgage Devil and…THE BARBIE!! Son of a Bitch!!! They were having a meeting before our Big Meeting? My head was spinning….what the hell is going on? I walk into the meeting and we were blindsided as Turd mentioned earlier. I started to understand what Joe Theismann felt when Lawrence Taylor hit him blindside and snapped his leg. Well…not nearly as painful…but similar in the shock and surprise. Now I understood what the meeting between the Mortgage Devil and Barbie BEFORE our meeting was about...he was setting us up. FUCK!!!

Turd had no clue they had a meeting before our Big Meeting. She was already in the office where the meeting was to take place. Obviously, I had no chance to tell her about this little fact. The whole thing unraveled in about a 10 second span.

Well, Turd summed up the rest of the Big Meeting well in the previous entry so I don’t want to be redundant. But I will say that I…like Turd...was so pissed off by being mutually screwed that it drove us together and made us allies and friends forever.

Ohhh...and Turd...I was never invited to your Baby Shower. Apparently, the Mortgage Devil and his Minions lost my invitation before they had a chance to mail it to me. I never knew about it until after we left the Bank of Hell and you told me about it. So, you weren't snubbed...well at least not by me.