Ben Bernanke Can Suck It

I think this blog has an identity crisis.  Some days there are humorous and silly stories, other days we give inside descriptions of the lending industry, and then there is today.  Today's post is triggered by my absolute abhorrence of the Federal Reserve, Alan Greenspan, and Alan Greenspan's mini-me:  Ben Bernanke. 

Now that you know I am completely biased about the Fed you might wonder what egregious event triggered a rant that includes telling Bernanke to suck it.  Was it proof that the Fed was a fundamental partner in the destruction of our economy?  Nope.  Was it the reviving of swap lines with foreign banks to deal with the crisis in Greece?  Not that either.  The truth is, I am incited by a seemingly innocuous commencement speech delivered by Bernanke at the University of South Carolina and its coverage here. 

Bernanke delivered the message to young college graduates that money can detract from happiness and that they should not take high paying jobs just for the money.  Instead, they should seek the path of happiness because pursuing money may result in a decline in the thrill over time.  WHAT A BASTARD. 

Here is my translation of Bernanke's speech after being run through my bullshit detector and my disingenuousness spotter thingy. 

Congratulations to you young and important minds on your graduation.  I bet you would like to go out and get a high paying job in order to rationalize all the money you and your family spent on higher education.  Yeah, well me and my friends sort of helped to make sure there are none of those jobs available.  We really weren't trying to screw you exactly, we were just trying to help our friends in the banking industry.  

Really I am not solely responsible for your lack of opportunity.  You can also thank my predecessor, Federal Reserve Idol, Alan Greenspan.  You can also thank the entire federal government, some friends of mine on Wall Street, and some really distorted application of economic logic by a bunch of people who should have known better.  

I sense that you might be feeling sad about your futures so let me talk to you about something we all agree on:  happiness.  Happiness is good and really, it is more important than a job or whether you can afford to pay your student loans.  So instead of being sad that you can't get a job what I really want you to do is think about what makes you happy.  If its smoking a bong in your parent's basement for hours on end while drinking out of their liquor cabinet and playing your X-Box, then do it.  Tell your parents that Ben Bernanke said you have permission to maximize your utility, happiness is important.

(Cut to Bernanke singing "If your happy and you know it...clap your hands)

The ass kissing coverage in The Atlantic about this speech made me angry and ill at all the same time; an impact that was reminiscent of doing shots of whiskey in college, not pretty. 

As economists, we do talk about utility maximization and yes we accept that this isn't solely tied to money.  But, we also recognize the one clever thing Bernanke didn't discuss and the Atlantic writer failed to mention that is sort of important; we maximize our utility subject to CONSTRAINTS!!!  Holy crap, that is Econ 101.  We maximize our utility relative to constraints, kind of important ones, like budgets.

It is not that I think money buys happiness nor do I discount the importance of happiness; that isn't what makes me angry about the speech.  For me, hearing an economist talk about happiness in this manner would be like going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting a lecture on responsible drug usage from Jerry Garcia.  I'm just not buying it.  Also Ben, you are the Chairman of the Federal Reserve, a tiny little organization that earned record profits in 2009 by dealing in money, as jobs for those happiness seeking graduates were vanishing.

I don't want economists preaching to me about how to be happy, particularly not the one that sucks a little joy from my life every day because of his job and policies.  I want psychologists, Oprah Winfrey, and chripy little self-help gurus teaching people about happiness.

I want economists, and particularly Ben Bernanke, to solve problems and raise people's standard of living.  I want to figure out how to help developing nations, create wealth, and promote economic security.  I don't want one of the unhappiest looking middle aged white men I have ever seen teaching me that the secret of life is happiness.  Myself, my friends, and the students at South Carolina already understand that.  Even my dog gets it.

Why don't you tell us something we don't know.  Here's a suggestion:  Tell us if we should be scared that you claimed there was no crisis coming but now you are claiming you know what to do to get us out of it.  Then tell us when we are going to recover, I promise that would go along way in maximizing utility.

***********If you are interested, I have opined in print about my fears concerning the Fed, if you care for some snark with your knowledge you can find a reprint of one here.